What You Should Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas

by Sarah

I keep seeing these commercials about some dopey guy who gets his wife something really special to show how much he loves her. Then he gets her THIS thing

It's ugly. No one wants a cheap diamond circle necklace, they want a Nintendo Wii, or a new car. If you're going to get a diamond you should really show you love her by going to Africa and digging it up yourself, not spending a hundred bucks on some thing you're going to see your dental assistant wearing. It looks like a cock ring. JB Robinson needs to stop telling men that women want this:

They are not going to fall in love with you all over again, but instead barf all over you, again and again.

Here are some christmas Ideas to get women:
1. If you are going to get a diamond you should get something like this:

A huge one. And it's not one of those clear boring ones.

2. A cool tiger shirt like Santino on Project Runway

but cooler than that one

3. A Wii, and if the special lady already has one, SUPER PAPER MARIO.

You can go into 3d and you can turn huge and crush everything.

4. A solid gold Owl necklace


5.A big framed Daniel Clowes print or all the back issues of Eightball


6. OZ season 4 on dvd, also, the Godfather set because they've lowered the price now.
or maybe a big poster of Adebisi for the ceiling


7. A box of money. You can decorate the outside with hearts and dollar signs.

8. A doctored version of Guess Who featuring all your friends:

(Townie Guess Who) Buy a generic Guess Who, then go on myspace and get pictures of everybody. You have to painstakingly resize them all and cut them out, but it's hours of fun.

9. Stand Up and Let Your Wiener Fly Out of Your Pants Magazine
(If you want her to break up with you)

10. A new car. Not an ugly one though. Maybe an old Mercedes or something. OR:


A 1950's Thunderbird like the one my dad wouldn't buy me when I was seventeen even though it was only like 2 thousand bucks and it would have looked really really cool because I would have worn these big sunglasses in it and showed off all around town. It was white I think, and the interior dashboard was all futuristic looking and bubbled out glass. It was really not that much money but my dad is cheap. I told him I would have paid him back but he didn't trust me. Thats why I've been busting my ass at the restaurant for seven years...Yeah like I can't hold a job. He brought it up to me again just to be a dick while I was serving him drinks at the bar. I told him to make his own damn whiskey and water unless he plans on finding me another T bird. He also told me I look pregnant in this shirt I was wearing. He knows nothing about women. Never tell anyone they look pregnant and NEVER refuse to buy them a car!!!